fruitpunchg: “ooooohhh” i say as i still dont understand
person: are you athletic?
me: i run
person: oh sweet
me: *whispers* a blog.
katyissuperwholocked: superwhoavengehobbitpotterlock: You are allowed to drink when you’re 16. You are allowed in clubs when you’re 18. You receive free education. You receive economic support while studying. You enjoy free hospitalization. You’ll be correctly informed by objective news channels.
airoehead: yifflord: would you rather date a person in their “RAWR :3 XD LOLOLOL TROLLED!!! .3.” phase or drop raw onions in your eyes?
lalalafrickyou: bloody-nips: i’m watching Extreme Couponing and i just saw a woman rack up a charge of over $1000 and then her coupon game was so fucking raw by the end of it the store owed her $8. what the fuck “her coupon game was so fuckin raw” is basically the best string of words ever concocted
do u ever just make scenarios in your head that will never happen but makes you so happy so you just keep on imagining them
territory-of-demi: Google Translator-What makes...
me: I'm so full omg I'm not gonna eat for days
me: are those brownies
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
yourvoiceinnovember: Every class has that one student where every time they talk or raise their hand the teacher is just like
physicalvocalist: fallen-angel-in-the-tardis: lembas-and-cram: concernedresidentofbakerstreet: rendezvousramen: addictedtopunsandpizza: macaronivevo: jesuschristvevo: is it data or data is it route or route is it caramel or caramel is it either or either is it read or read is it lead or lead Maybe its Maybelline I hate how any English speaker knows exactly what’s...
School: We don't allow bullying if you bully we will fuck you up
Student: I got bullied.
School: The fuck do you want us to do about it?
bananabuttmuffin: The best road rage I’ve ever seen was this girl screaming out of her car window “I hope you don’t fuck like you drive!” I still think about that sometimes.
thatdaynevercamethtdaynevercomes: run-cause-hitler: enayalate-h8-this-year: bbanditt: slett: winchestercodependency: ibecameacat: what if all your fingers just turned into tongues… like what would you even do dude people with vaginas would have the best time getting off “People with vaginas” what are those called again I can’t remember this is what yahoo payed 1.1billion...
stumpkin: the only good story i have is i was once at the same wedding as daniel radcliffe and my dad said ‘you’re a wizard harry’ because my dad looks a lot like hagrid and daniel radcliffe told him to piss off
andthentheresallthisshit: deadgomery: theprinceswilly: nosferpatbu: i just saw this picture of shrek and i’m laughing because it’s as if i’m about to give him a blowjob tears are coming out of my eyes NO NO NO NO NO “That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.” OH MY GOD IT GOT BETTER/WORSE